I hate to admit it..

I hate him.
There is just so much passion to this. Too much passion to this. I felt like this once before, but not this intense. I don't know why I feel like this, like a helpless girl. I'm supposed to be strong and get through this. I am supposed to have the heart of steel. The heart that never loves. I hate how this is coming to be.
I blame him.
Or at least, I would love to blame him. Blaming him would just make all of this so much easier for me. I would be able to breathe without having to think. I would be free. But no, that would be way too easy. In a way it is his fault. If he wasn't...him than this would have never happened. So there. There is a damned [bad] good reason to why it's his fault, not mine.
I miss him.
Without meaning to. I try to refocus and not think about him. There is no point to missing him. He lives there and I am here. But when I don't talk to him for a while or when he says that he is going to talk to me later, than I end up waiting for him and missing him when he doesn't. Call me pathetic, because I am.
I _ _ _ _ him
Go ahead and laugh, I dare you. See what happends. Call me a pathetic loser and I will acknowledge that because that is what I am. A pathetic loser.